'Merica (Jr. Miss Performance)

I wrote this for Junior Miss (now Distinguished Young Women) three years ago.

Yes, I was one of those girls and NO, it is not a beauty pageant.

Enjoy.

America, land of opportunity

Equal Rights, life, liberty, happiness

Public schooling, Social Security

Freedom of speech, equal vote, all of us

Citizens search for new technology

advances in science and medicine

want money, power in democracy

search for answers in our urbanized din

Key to equal education found in

personal laptops! Mass produced shots for

single strand virus, rapid, mutating

Oh No! Hurry – found new virus – need cure!

Back to the grindstone, work, need more money

Study; perform tests. Who needs knowledge? Me!

Green Earth! Recycle plastic, paper, glass!

leave the chemical stuff in the landfill.

Need money? Change currency, it’s now trash!

Solved debt! Space trips got more money to kill!

Big business spends money to get their vote,

Promote candidate to get them, oops Us,

more money. Non- profits get grants, help buy coats.

Business buys vote, poor get money, not just dust.

Foreign policies work, countries eager

to ship goods through, on to Canada too!

we’re such friends, plus our coffers are meager

we’d rent State police, shut roads for them too!

America, land of opportunity!

Make a difference! Be all that you can be!

During Childhood Fat Albert was My Idea of a Gentleman

Walking late last night,
after a Village party
 with a friend and a dog,
 conversation flew alongside the night air.
 Catching up with close friends is something that I always enjoy doing.

Talked about dreams and desires,
plans and beginnings
history, experiences, a little pain.

We gave advice and listened
rescued a kitten
from a exuberant Apollo,
whom I refused to follow.

I lost some "Southern Charm" in a puff of smoke
reminisced on times that grew me,
and the people I thought knew me.

Gave and was given warmly welcomed hugs,
spoke to a friend I hadn't seen for a time.

Became morose and nostalgic, for just a moment
petting a dog, tempered like my dad
and remembered my Boo, my brother
sorely missed.

My Gentleman friend,
my walk companion, not the dog
hurried me away from some
"unsavory looking boys"
who ended up innocents
and shielded me from quickly
oncoming traffic.

That moment outside,
briskly treading the streets of the 'Scow
I traveled back to a
faded memory,
where gentleman wore red sweaters and said,
"Hey, hey, hey!"

Just a glimmer of an image,
a girl and a man
walking at twilight
the flicker of a light
-bulb, remembering his place,
Fat Albert turned to her and said:

"You know what you should be walking on this side of the street"
"Why? Is that some kind of macho thing?"
"No, it's just that, you know, the gentleman should walk on the side with the traffic, that way if a car like splashes mud or jumps the curb he can push the woman out of the way!"

placing her to the side they continued to walk,
and childhood me,
I sat and thought.

Years later, in a moment of chivalry
my Gentleman friend,
caught up in his thoughts
remembered a lesson,
some angel had taught him
and I traveled back to
that long ago afternoon,
where I formed my idea
of a Gentleman,
in Childhood.

Giving it All Up to Him

Last night at Village a wonderful woman that I am growing to treasure the company of more and more everyday decided to pray the prayer and give her life, give "it all up" to Him, our Lord. I was so blessed to be able to be there with her as she said those words, "God I give it all up to you." Her prayer was beauty itself and I found myself despite my best efforts in tears, mascara running down my cheeks, just filled to bursting with joy! I was so incredibly blessed to be able to not only witness the miracle and ecstatic joy involved when someone commits themselves to Christ but to be able to pray after her afterwards, to be a witness to her exclamation of joy for the Creator, that was the biggest blessing. I wanted to run up and down the streets screaming to the world, shouting, "She belongs to the King! She is Saved!" I am so incredibly proud and happy for her.

 Giving up control, leaning on faith is never easy, but she chose to believe in what she can't see, believe in truth and in her own words, "I felt him with me for the first time."

She is searching no more, she has found "the One"!

My epiphany about "Funky Town"

Over the last week I've been feeling down in the dumps, ie. episode of depression. My friend Shell calls it, going to "funky town". Just hearing those words makes me think of the old 60's song, Funky Town. It makes me laugh and I automatically sing to myself, "Won't you take me to, Funky Town!" Now if that isn't a mood booster I don't know what is. Anyways, on to my epiphany about my depressive episodes...

Last night I went out to a local coffee pub to listen to the live music of some church fellows. Even though I've been feeling low the last week or so and my bed has been my closest friend I decided I couldn't miss this occasion. I arrived to an overflow of spectators and patrons alike, causing the owner of this pub to worry about getting a citation from the fire marshal. The crowd so overwhelmed me that for a while I considered leaving. I managed to cope by moving throughout the rooms methodically until I nested in a back room with some church friends for most of the remainder of the night. Slowly, and especially as more people dispersed I became more comfortable and even rowdy, dancing openly to the music playing after the show as the coffee house cleared out and talking almost aggressively to the many acquaintances and friends surrounding me. It was later while sitting semi-quietly at last at an old theater converted event center downtown, helping to set up some equipment with friends, listening to the piano being played beautifully that I came upon my epiphany. I remarked aloud to my piano playing friend that despite how I felt I had become rather rowdy over the last hour or so and wondered aloud why that was. I sat there for a moment before answering myself... Perhaps I am overcompensating for my visit to "Funky Town" by being especially giddy and extroverted tonight. I bowed my head, possibly in shame and leaned against the piano. My friend kindly placed his hand upon my back, reassuring and consoling me. I then sat up, at peace with the idea and resolved that even if I was overcompensating it was okay, at least I was trying to be happy and with friends like those surrounding me, why shouldn't I be.

I Have No Need Of Fear

Challenge me. Challenge me?
Seems lately life has been challenging me, in all sorts of ways. Ways that break my soul, my heart, my will, my confidence...My Pride.
I have these periods where I feel, I see myself getting better. Stronger, more obedient, smarter about life, closer to God. These moments, prolonged and void of struggle or temptation, of disappointment.
I know that they're not an illusion. I know I've changed, other people see it too. I am more patient perhaps, I'm more comfortable being alone, not so afraid of the future, I stopped worrying about every detail of my day and where the money for my next bill will come from. I trust a little more, but... Maybe not enough.
This last week I had multiple encounters in which, I was afraid. I felt attacked, uncertain, worried. I felt betrayed and even more frightening I felt pushed past my limit of comfort and I jumped back, violently. I broke, I doubted my progress, and I doubted the trust I'd placed in people. I realized, I don't make myself as vulnerable as I'd like to think. My walls are still up, they are large, dark, worn bricks, cracked at the seams but I continue to repair then rather than tear them. I am afraid of being the me that I'm comfortable with. In each situation I change to fit my idea of the desired me. I feel guilty for that but at the same time, almost justified. My past is larger than life, it changed me and how others will forever be seen by me. So many of my friends want to push me forward, into a mold that is expected for my kind. I don't fit, not yet. I want this future molded me, I am working towards it but I can't seem to move fast enough. These friends want more than I know how to give, more than I can trust myself to give, or maybe more than I can expect them to accept and understand.
I was told that my friends, my fellow believers are supposed to be my family. I am supposed to allow them to become my family and count on them, call them when I need something, tell them when something is wrong. I understand this idea, in theory but... What is a family, really?
All my life I grew up in a dysfunctional family, and we have grown even more so recently. My family was internally destructive, snide comments and manipulation was the currency growing up. I don't know how to ask for what I need, how to ask for help and even if I did I don't think I would. There is only one person in my life who has always played the role of family in my life, no matter the circumstance or what ever else came between us, I could rely on his consistency. I fully trust him. I am being asked to create a relationship like family, now, only months after arriving here, at this point, alone. It took years to create the relationship with the one person I know will always be family, how do I begin that process again with people I barely know, at a point in my life where me and God are the only things I can consistently rely on.
I can feel the fear rearing up again, pushing me back from the gray areas.
"Do not fear, for your God is with you", the verse plays over in my head. 365 time in the Bible it is repeated, "Do not fear".
 My God is a good God.

'"For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future."' Jeremiah 29:11 My favorite verse. I need not fear for God knows the plans he has for me, and they are good. God is the one I can always trust, for eternity. His love endures, in Him, I have no need of fear.

Resting&wRiting at Rembrandts

“Write what should not be forgotten.” - Isabel Allende

 

 

Sunday morning found me at Eagle Christian Church listening to a sermon on the authenticity and proof of the Bible's truth followed by a wonderful worship service full of passion for the Lord. Next I journeyed through the snow to nearby Eagle where I am now enveloped in the homey atmosphere of the coolest coffee hangout in town, warming my hands on a cup of Joe and enjoying each bite of my warm marionberry scone. I am wisely using this time to wind down and relax, away from the chaos of my home filled with young boys raised voices.

I finally have found some time to sit and update you few who read this on my recent going-ons. Most recently, as in today I am celebrating my best friend's birth. Today he is 19 and I rarely see any traces of the boy I met the summer after freshman year of highschool, now all I see is the man he is becoming and I am so very proud of him. Christmas was almost a week ago and this year it was full of family, friends, joy, and calm. My mother and I made a birthday cake for Jesus and we had a scrumptious dinner at the Harrell household.

Just last night my mother took me to Les Miserables to celebrate my upcoming birthday which I will not be home to celebrate. It was a beautiful movie, the depressive almost overshadowed the hope hidden within the characters but it was touching none the less. Unfortunately the main characters Russell Crow and Hugh Jackman lack vocal skill and access to a large vocal range, perspectively.

I also was able to see The Hobbit recently, only to be greatly disappointed in the lack of respect shown to Tolkien's splendid storyline, the director unfortunately decided the age old tale needed more violence and gore and didn't hesitate in making the necessary changes. A poor adaption of Tolkien's great work.

A few days before Christmas I was able to attend the picture perfect wedding of the most wonderful couple, a pair I met on Ballroom Team, my coach and his fiance'. I absolutely adored the wedding, everything from the music choices, the decorations, lights, bridesmaids lanterns instead of bouquets, and especially the foot washing ceremony were hearttouching, glorious, and beautiful.



Also recently (before my splendidly long winter break) my church, Resonate had our batism service which was a simply glorious event, overflowing with joy and praise for our Savior.

Resonate Babtism Service

So excited for all those who publicly committed their lives to Christ this past month! Pure joy, overflowing!

Another fun adventure from the past weeks was the event the acquisition of our Christmas tree brought about; while driving it home atop our car the ropes snapped and sent the tree rolling into

 the middle of the highway. Luckily it landed in the median and we were able to retrieve it during a break in the traffic, unscathed. It nows stands, still in our living room, as beautiful as ever.

 

This year I also had the pleasure of going to see It's A Wonderful Life at The Kenworthy in Moscow with a dear friend and then having a wonderful evening of conversation, coffee, walks through the snow, and a deed I recently found out is anything but legal, a snowball fight. I guess I'm becoming something of a criminal.

 



I'm so happy and blessed this holiday season, to be around family, dear friends, home, sleeping in my much missed bed, being loved by those around me. It really is a Wonderful Life and it turned out to be a White Christmas as well.

The week before Finals the Ballroom Dance Team had our Fall Preformance and it went splendidly, our follow coach called it her best preformance yet.I had so much fun with it and was so blessed that a few of my friends came to share in it with me. It will always be one of my most treasured memories, the first preformance on my team.

Above is the final dance and bow that we all participated in, led by Buzz and Jesse.
On the Right is the Zelda Waltz which went better than expected and was loads of fun learning, hopefully we will do it again. Below is the Foxtrot in those gorgeous blue velvet gowns.                      

 

                                  

 

 

Resonate had a wonderful Christmas party this winter and Santa even came! Here is the picture my Village took with him! We had so much fun, fellowshipping, eating, dancing, and listening to the RunAway Symphony band!

Here is a link to hear our amazing voices from Village caroling one Wednesday night!

Resonate Village Caroling

 

 

True love is not earned, it's graciously given.

 

 

 Fear is not Reality, it is Created by the Mind.       

 





Inspirational is the aim, hope they hit the mark.

 

 

 

 

Leaving you with Pooh and then some pictures of my family making ginerbread houses.

 

 

 

Halloween (Village Party and FratCakes)

 

Yeah, we have fun. No big Deal.  ;)

Senior Prom 2012 - Oh What A Night!

Epic Dance!