'Merica (Jr. Miss Performance)

I wrote this for Junior Miss (now Distinguished Young Women) three years ago.

Yes, I was one of those girls and NO, it is not a beauty pageant.

Enjoy.

America, land of opportunity

Equal Rights, life, liberty, happiness

Public schooling, Social Security

Freedom of speech, equal vote, all of us

Citizens search for new technology

advances in science and medicine

want money, power in democracy

search for answers in our urbanized din

Key to equal education found in

personal laptops! Mass produced shots for

single strand virus, rapid, mutating

Oh No! Hurry – found new virus – need cure!

Back to the grindstone, work, need more money

Study; perform tests. Who needs knowledge? Me!

Green Earth! Recycle plastic, paper, glass!

leave the chemical stuff in the landfill.

Need money? Change currency, it’s now trash!

Solved debt! Space trips got more money to kill!

Big business spends money to get their vote,

Promote candidate to get them, oops Us,

more money. Non- profits get grants, help buy coats.

Business buys vote, poor get money, not just dust.

Foreign policies work, countries eager

to ship goods through, on to Canada too!

we’re such friends, plus our coffers are meager

we’d rent State police, shut roads for them too!

America, land of opportunity!

Make a difference! Be all that you can be!

My epiphany about "Funky Town"

Over the last week I've been feeling down in the dumps, ie. episode of depression. My friend Shell calls it, going to "funky town". Just hearing those words makes me think of the old 60's song, Funky Town. It makes me laugh and I automatically sing to myself, "Won't you take me to, Funky Town!" Now if that isn't a mood booster I don't know what is. Anyways, on to my epiphany about my depressive episodes...

Last night I went out to a local coffee pub to listen to the live music of some church fellows. Even though I've been feeling low the last week or so and my bed has been my closest friend I decided I couldn't miss this occasion. I arrived to an overflow of spectators and patrons alike, causing the owner of this pub to worry about getting a citation from the fire marshal. The crowd so overwhelmed me that for a while I considered leaving. I managed to cope by moving throughout the rooms methodically until I nested in a back room with some church friends for most of the remainder of the night. Slowly, and especially as more people dispersed I became more comfortable and even rowdy, dancing openly to the music playing after the show as the coffee house cleared out and talking almost aggressively to the many acquaintances and friends surrounding me. It was later while sitting semi-quietly at last at an old theater converted event center downtown, helping to set up some equipment with friends, listening to the piano being played beautifully that I came upon my epiphany. I remarked aloud to my piano playing friend that despite how I felt I had become rather rowdy over the last hour or so and wondered aloud why that was. I sat there for a moment before answering myself... Perhaps I am overcompensating for my visit to "Funky Town" by being especially giddy and extroverted tonight. I bowed my head, possibly in shame and leaned against the piano. My friend kindly placed his hand upon my back, reassuring and consoling me. I then sat up, at peace with the idea and resolved that even if I was overcompensating it was okay, at least I was trying to be happy and with friends like those surrounding me, why shouldn't I be.

I Have No Need Of Fear

Challenge me. Challenge me?
Seems lately life has been challenging me, in all sorts of ways. Ways that break my soul, my heart, my will, my confidence...My Pride.
I have these periods where I feel, I see myself getting better. Stronger, more obedient, smarter about life, closer to God. These moments, prolonged and void of struggle or temptation, of disappointment.
I know that they're not an illusion. I know I've changed, other people see it too. I am more patient perhaps, I'm more comfortable being alone, not so afraid of the future, I stopped worrying about every detail of my day and where the money for my next bill will come from. I trust a little more, but... Maybe not enough.
This last week I had multiple encounters in which, I was afraid. I felt attacked, uncertain, worried. I felt betrayed and even more frightening I felt pushed past my limit of comfort and I jumped back, violently. I broke, I doubted my progress, and I doubted the trust I'd placed in people. I realized, I don't make myself as vulnerable as I'd like to think. My walls are still up, they are large, dark, worn bricks, cracked at the seams but I continue to repair then rather than tear them. I am afraid of being the me that I'm comfortable with. In each situation I change to fit my idea of the desired me. I feel guilty for that but at the same time, almost justified. My past is larger than life, it changed me and how others will forever be seen by me. So many of my friends want to push me forward, into a mold that is expected for my kind. I don't fit, not yet. I want this future molded me, I am working towards it but I can't seem to move fast enough. These friends want more than I know how to give, more than I can trust myself to give, or maybe more than I can expect them to accept and understand.
I was told that my friends, my fellow believers are supposed to be my family. I am supposed to allow them to become my family and count on them, call them when I need something, tell them when something is wrong. I understand this idea, in theory but... What is a family, really?
All my life I grew up in a dysfunctional family, and we have grown even more so recently. My family was internally destructive, snide comments and manipulation was the currency growing up. I don't know how to ask for what I need, how to ask for help and even if I did I don't think I would. There is only one person in my life who has always played the role of family in my life, no matter the circumstance or what ever else came between us, I could rely on his consistency. I fully trust him. I am being asked to create a relationship like family, now, only months after arriving here, at this point, alone. It took years to create the relationship with the one person I know will always be family, how do I begin that process again with people I barely know, at a point in my life where me and God are the only things I can consistently rely on.
I can feel the fear rearing up again, pushing me back from the gray areas.
"Do not fear, for your God is with you", the verse plays over in my head. 365 time in the Bible it is repeated, "Do not fear".
 My God is a good God.

'"For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future."' Jeremiah 29:11 My favorite verse. I need not fear for God knows the plans he has for me, and they are good. God is the one I can always trust, for eternity. His love endures, in Him, I have no need of fear.

My Post all about Brady Scott Harrell: He dared complain I hadn't written about him!

 

This is Brady Scott Harrell (the one standing)

 

 

Brady is my best friend! He is in the Army ROTC.

 

 

 

 

Chalk Warfare 2.0

This is an awesome video I stole off his facebook wall!

 

 

 

 This is a picture I posted on Brady's wall. (It's true by the way)

 

This is a meme depicting something Brady has been saying we would do for the last new summer's that we never did. Brady- get on that.

                    This is another picture I posted on Brady's facebook wall, because I love him.

This is a picture of me and Brady the night before I left for college that his mother took. He helped me pack and load the car, like a true friend does. :)

This is Brady being awesome, as per norm.

                       This is Brady and some friends at Prom this year. Don't they look cool. haha 

This is me and Brady at Prom. He is super strong cause he stood there holding me like that for what felt like forever but hey, we got the picture!



This has been a Kelsey Symons blog post all about Brady Harrell! Now try telling me I never post about you Mr. Harrell! haha  :) I miss you best friend!

 

 

 

 

 



College Life...

Today was my first day of classes at the University of Idaho.
I'm officially a college student.
I'm no longer living at home and I'm finically independent...sort of.  :/
Biggest Life change to date? Absa-frekin'-lutely!!!!!
Luckily I have the ever present support of God to get me through this crazy!
With lots of prayer I will survive this transition and hopefully my freshman 15!  ;)