Prepare to be bombarded by my (or those stolen by me) pictures, words, snapshots, memes, thoughts, photos, rants, drawings, and issues.
All the crazy, none of the commitment.
P.S. The rumor that all redheads have a temper is untrue...but I do have one.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

My Rollar Coaster Life

 Every day is a challenge, some days more than others. Sometimes I wish I could just stay in bed, hide under the covers, and wait for tomorrow. That's when I heave a big sigh, pray to God for strength(plead really), throw off my blankets, and Rise!
Life isn't Easy, it's not Fair but then who said it was gonna be? All you can do is Choose to think positively, make the attitude change, hope and pray for the best then go out and LIVE!

Thursday, March 29, 2012

My Hectic Thursday Night


Right now I'm sitting upstairs in the Harrell home, next to me Ryan is playing an animated computer game, League of Legends. Across from me Brady sits playing COD while Jameson sits, more like lays on Brady's lap. Jasmine stands over them making obnoxious noises and taking pictures of my two homo friends. Now Jameson is messing with Jasmine's toes. Earlier the Harrell family, Ryan, and I ate dinner. We had bratwursts...  :) I really wish Ryan would share some of his sour gummy worms with me...  Do you know what gummy candy is made of?  I have awesome friends. I'm listening to my favorite song, Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy amid all this chaos. Unfortunately the group just voted I turn that off so now it's The Call by Regina Spektor, almost as good.  :) They play this song at the end of the Narnia movie, Prince Caspian. I JUST ATE A GUMMY WORM WITH THREE COLORS!!!! What does "noob" mean? Brady keeps saying it and I'm confused...
I found the definition of "noob" in the urban dictionary.

Noob
1. A noob is a person who really sucks at a game but refuses to learn/listen to people who are skilled. Many of them may have been playing the game for a while, but still suck at it. They usually have no hope.

2. Noobs generally get extremely upset over being beaten and can not admit that they are bad at the game. Often they will accuse the skilled people of hacking.

3. This word is an insult in general so people often wrongly use it and just call somebody that they do not like a noob, regardless of skill.

4. This term is often confused with the term "newb," and people who confuse these terms are usually either noobs themselves, or somebody who is good but is just mean (and has a lot of pride for being skilled). 

That answers that question! Also, Brady is obviously making the mistake mentioned in part 3 of the definition.

You know...I'm doing something that usually really bugs me when other people do it. Oh no, I'm a hypocrite. I don't like it when people are together and someone is being distracted by technology... at the same time I'm not the only one doing it but still.


Do not go gentle into that good night,
Rage, Rage against the dying of the light.
-Dylan Thomas




Early Morning Spring Break Errands and their Unexpected Joys

Today I ran some errands, had a few meetings, went shopping, and stopped by Albertson's. I only went to Albertson's for the free cookies in the bakery. The lady working there told me to take more than one then another lady walked by and told me to take as many as I wanted! So... I took 4!!! I really love cookies.  :) They made my busy morning so much better and really appeased my growling stomach! It was almost 2 and I hadn't eaten since 9 am!
Oh the joys of early morning spring break errands!  :)
Oh and I bought a sweater at the thrift store! Except it was sorts free cause I had credit there already cause some of my consigned clothes sold!
Good Day!

"Almost Lover" A Fine Frenzy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDEEzS7OV2k


This is my favorite song!!!

Shopping...

Why I Hate Shopping...

It makes me sad when I see something I really want and I don't have money! You see all this pretty stuff but you never and I mean NEVER have the cash to buy it all. And even if you do have money they are always out of your size!
It hurts my feet!!!! You walk around, standing the whole time on hard floors(usually dirty floors) and there is no where to sit or rest. My feet are always screaming at me by the time I get home. Did I mention stores smell weird...? Cause they do.
And there is so much crap to sift through to find the good stuff!!You have to flip through these huge racks of clothes(mostly ugly clothes) and you might, just MIGHT find one decent shirt or pair of pants. Then you have to deal with the whole price thing again!
Ugh.
It's only fun when  I go with the purpose of just goofing around and not buying stuff or to finally buy something I've been wanting FOREVER! If you decide to go out with the girls and just totally go crazy, trying on ridiculous outfits, ugly sweaters, and hideous dresses all the while snapping embarassing pictures you'll put on facebook later then shopping can be fun, but only for a limited time. As in 2-3 hours, not 5 or 6!  When you've been scrimping and saving for months to buy those shoes and you finally have the money! You drive to the store, find them, try them on. They fit perfectly, you buy them! You have that overwhelming feeling of success and joy! Then you walk out and shopping sucks again.
Idk, I just don't like wandering for no reason, with no purpose...and no money!
This is NOT me! If I bought so much stuff I had this many bags my arms would fall off! Not to mention I'd be broke! Where'd I get the money for all this stuff anyways!?!


NEVER going to happen!!!!!! Ever.

 This can be fun...but still way too many bags!!!! And their shoes look really painful for a day of shopping.



This is what comes to mind when I hear the word "Shop"...Exhaustion.

This is what I look like after I shop.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

10 A.M. on a Rainy Monday Morning

Cool round raindrops explode across my windsheild
Steaming Mocha sloshes as I speed along
My heart quickens, beating like church gongs peal
In the crisp wet morning. I smile at you through my window fog
Pull on my shoes, excited to soak up the moments with you
Like a budding flower does dew.

Walking so close our hips bump
Umbrellas overlap, hiding our budding romance from the rain.
My warm hand looped through your arm, we walk the river's wooded lane.
Heart in my throat, stuck where it jumped
Breath short. Keeping in step with fate.

Low voice, close in my ear
A whisper, meant for me alone, floats on morning air.
Soaked skin, carefree patter, Heaven's tear.
Lifted eyes, meet and spark. Moments shared
Stolen like unplanned times of prayer
Locked gazes, oozing joy, drink slow.
Uncertain futures wait, commitment takes time to grow.


What is Love!?!

Monday, March 26, 2012

On My New Russian Obsession

I've decided I should learn Russian... mostly because I've met a hot Russian who randomly decides to speak this foreign language while I'm stuck staring at him wondering... "What the heck did he just say...?"
It's very awkward for me. I think I can accomplish this goal because according to him I said the "cleanest" (unaccented) "Da" he's ever heard.  Too bad the whole language isn't that easy...  ;)  Anywho! That whole tangent wasn't random at all.  Let's call it my poor attempt at explaining the pure awesomeness of my Russian friend. I really like him. :)

Did I mention he's a musician!?!
Also, when he stares into my eyes it's like my face is on fire!
I've never met anyone who could make me blush as easily as he does.
I trust him completely.

Just imagine the most awesome guy ever, make him Russian, and that's him.

I know he's probably going to read this at some point so... Hi!
;)

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Teach Me Too

Not every light is gonna be bright
not every labrinth has an exit
not every love is returned
not every game will have an end
not every door will open
not every window let in a breeze
not every word that is spoken will reach the ears of those you meant to teach
every tree does not bow
every branch hasn't a bough
every thought is not meant for the air
all your cares are not meant to be shared
that doesn't mean don't seach for the light
don't wander the maze
don't love or play games
it doen't mean leave the door locked or keep the window closed
teach the unlearned anyways
still watch trees in the wind
plant and water your sprout
speak your thoughts
learn to feel and share
open your mind and eyes
wish upon that star
dare to dream and travel
don't be cast down by another's stare
Courage to the broken
build yourself anew
and maybe someday I will learn to be like you

please take your chances and while you learn
teach me too

Sunday, March 18, 2012

My Testimony of Faith

I've grown up in a Christian family all my life. I've gone to just about every christian denomination of church out there. Looking in on my life, not knowing me personally you'd assume I've had it pretty easy. My grandparents are part-time traveling missionaries, my grandma has three christian CDs, every one of my siblings are christian, both sides of my family. We're a big happy family. Right?  Wrong.
 It's sort of like what Lecrae said recently on facebook, "Just because you were raised to believe, doesn't mean you believe Jesus was raised."


Growing up, (and by that I mean back when I was 2,3,4) I never really noticed anything wrong with my life. Looking back I start to see the signs that something was wrong.

As a little kid I had a major problem with picking my scabs. My grandma used to tell me, " If you don't stop picking I'm gonna put cayanne pepper on it! Then it'll burn." Well, I quit that habit rather quickly.

Then one day when I was around 11 or 12 I pulled out all my eyelashes, on both eyes. I was just ing the bathroom with the tweezers and I decided there was something wrong with my eyelashes. They didn't make a straight line! So I tried to fix it. BIG Mistake.
 Later that year, I was sitting on the couch, playing with my hair. I have very thick, coarse, wavy red hair. I started pulling out the really rough hairs, they just didn't feel smooth enough. When I got up to go to the bathroom I saw I had made a small bald spot, a bit smaller than a quarter in my hair near my forehead.

 All these little ticks eventually built up.
 I started cutting when I was 13. The winter of my freshman year of high school I went to a Winter Retreat with my youth group. There I met Shawn E. He was a big source of guidance and help for me. He noticed how depressed I was within the first day of meeting me and we quickly became friends and I began confiding in him. I still am friends with Shawn and see him at church with his New Wife every week!

That spring some friends of mine informed my parents of my dangerous habits and my mother was ready to put me in a psychiatric hospital for the summer.  I was able to convince her to just send me to my grandparents for the summer instead. I was there for two months. While there my grandpa pounded sense into me by sharing the Bible story of Jezebel, a priestess of Baal who cut herself in worship to him, for those of you who don't know. Baal is basically Satan. Sufice to say that freaked me out and I resolved to stop cutting.  In August I went on a youth group trip to Corvallis, Oregon for CIY(Christ in Youth) Conference. There I basically spilled my guts to my youth group one night during devotionals. Everyone was really supportive, especially one friend. Daniel B. He shared with me a story of another girl he was close to who cut, he encouraged me to quit and put my trust in God to take away my stress, worry, and fear. He gave me a picture and wrote some inspiring lines on it. Telling me to trust God,  he loved me and was there for me, and so was Daniel. That picture hangs in my room to this day.

It was a difficult journey. Starting my sophomore year I had a 3 month bout of bulimia but luckily I can't stand the taste of bile so that didn't last long. I made bad choices, like dating someone I didn't like and continuing the relationship, out of fear even after I learned he was a drug dealer.

 During the next year I realised you can stop cutting but you're never not a cutter after you you've started. Each day is a battle. Sometimes I failed and would give in to my sin, because that's what it is. Cutting is a sin. Just like lying, adultry, and hypocrisy.

I am happy to say it's been at least 8 months since I last turned from God and tried to gain control by cutting. Today I feel closer to God than ever. My prayer life has grown dramatically, from the girl who never prayed in public and rarely alone to praying at dinner, at youth group for my girl's Impact group, with my mentor, when I'm afraid, worried, panicing, happy, sad, thankful! Even in Launch Pad and in class at school! I actually study and read my Bible and not just at church but for Fun! I actually enjoy the stories and lessons I recieve from time spent in my Bible! I know more about God and who he is! My worship of him has exploded. I used to be afraid to lift my hands in praise while singing, Now I reach for HIM! When I sing I enter another place entirely, just me and God. Now I'm not perfect in my relationship with Christ but I'm learning. Recently I even made the decision to get Babtised! For the first time in my life I realized, I don't have to know everything about Him, I just have to trust Him. DESPITE my broken family, my cutting, pride, trust issues, need for control, perfectionism, fear and worry(even worrying about being hurt by my Dad), lying, lust, MY SIN, God LOVES me, yeah me!? Weird, right? But he does and with faith in Him to have my best interest in mind I can have peace and a beautiful relationship with my Savior.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you a Hope and a Future." Isn't that exciting! God knows what he is doing and he is going to use the hardships that sin brings into my life for HIS Glory!

Even though I've grown up in a Christian home, giving my life to God at age 2, I haven't always acted like one. I don't always follow Christ's plan, I let sin rule. Now I am a Christ-Follower and I know what is required of me and I'm ready to follow His plan.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Jason Stathum... :)


Basically, He is Hot! 

Today is Pi Day!!!




 

Spirit and Soul

You know you've changed for the better when someone you haven't seen in a year during the worst time of your life tells you that you've changed so much since then and that now you are "glowingly beautiful". This was the best compliment I have ever recieved. Not because of the words but because it reflected not who the person saw me as, not my physical apperance, or what that person wants of me but of what I am - my spirit. It enveloped the spiritual change in me and my soul as it stands now. He was saying I see happiness radiating out of you and it's beautiful. Now isn't that what every girl no every person wants to hear? That your happiness radiates from you. People tend to put so much emphasis on how they look, what others think, what they wear, what they do. They don't focus on the important spiritual aspects, the life altering, soul feeding, everlasting spring of choice. Instead of changing themselves they try to change others. Find happiness in the simple act of living, of growing and watching people around you, experiance the pure joy of others lifes. Focus outward and become a follower not of the accepted and expected but the clean effectivness of selflessness and giving.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Favorite excerpts from: Dissidence and Institutionalized Oppression: A Counter-hegemonic Response By: Travis J. Barrett

The Rouge Forum News
Working Papers, Critical Analysis, and Grassroots News
Issue #15
fall/winter 2009/2010
www.rougeforum.

From Travis J. Barrett – Thesis: Dissidence and Institutionalized Oppression: A Counter-hegemonic Response

John Taylor Gatto similarly asserts, “Intellectual
training is not the purpose of state schooling - obedience and subordination are” (1995, p.?).

Jimi Hendrix once said, “when the power of love overcomes
the love of power, the world will know peace.” The world is not in a state of peace. But if the
love of power, and its subsequent possession are the reasons we don’t know peace, then we can
question; who is so in love with this form of power, who has power, and to what ends is power
used?

In the Introduction to Paulo
Freire’s Pedagogy of the Oppressed, Richard Shaull also puts forth, “There is no such thing as a
neutral educational process. Education . . . functions as an instrument that is used to facilitate
the integration of the younger generation into the logic of the present system and bring about
conformity to it . . .” (Freire, 1970, p.34).

Perhaps to those who have “confuse[d] freedom with the maintenance of the status quo; so that if
conscientização threatens to place that status quo in question, it thereby seems to constitute a
threat to freedom itself” (Freire, 1970, p.36).

As soon as you do history you are confronted with the fact that you are selecting out
of an infinite amount of data a certain amount of data, certain pieces of data, to
include. And you make that selection according to your point of view, so that every
historian and every work of history has a point of view. So doing history is all a
matter of selection and deciding what is important; and you decide what is
important, really, on the basis of your present concerns (Zinn, Macedo, 2005, p. 71).

In A People’s History of the United States, 1492-present, Howard Zinn problematizes the onesided
education most of us have received about Columbus. He does this by looking at the work of
distinguished Harvard historian Samuel Eliot Morison. In Morison’s popular book Christopher
Columbus: Mariner, written in 1954, he tells about the enslavement and killings of Native
Americans. Morison writes, “the cruel policy initiated by Columbus and pursued by his
successors resulted in complete genocide,” to which Zinn replies, “That is on one page, buried
halfway into the telling of a grand romance. In the book’s last paragraph, Morison sums up his
view of Columbus”:
32 Rouge Forum News, Issue 15, fall/winter 2009/2010
He had his faults and his defects, but they were largely the defects of the qualities
that made him great—his indomitable will, his superb faith in God and his mission
as the Christ-bearer to lands beyond the seas, his stubborn persistence despite
neglect, poverty and discouragement. But there was no flaw, no dark side to the
most outstanding and essential of all his qualities—his seamanship (Zinn, 2005,
p.7-8).
Are we to surmise his superior seamanship trumps the fact that the policy he initiated resulted
in complete genocide?

What every American needs to know:
“Give me liberty or give me death”—words from a speech by Patrick Henry urging
the American colonies to revolt against England. Henry spoke only a few weeks
before the Revolutionary War began, he said: “Gentleman may cry peace, peace, but
there is no peace. The war is actually begun. The next gale that sweeps from the
North will ring to our ears the clash of resounding arms. Our brethren are already
in the field . . . Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of
chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may
take, but for me, give me liberty or give me death”
What Americans are not allowed to know:
Patrick Henry’s words were never meant for African Slaves or American Indians.
African Americans and American Indians continued throughout the history of the
United States to experience subjugation, leading Malcolm X to pronounce in 1964
33 Rouge Forum News, Issue 15, fall/winter 2009/2010
the following: “No, I’m not an American. I’m one of 22 million black people who are
the victims of Americanism . . . One of the . . . Victims of Democracy, nothing but
disguised hypocrisy. So, I’m not standing here speaking to you as an American, or a
patriot, or a flag-saluter, or a flag-waver—no, not I! I’m speaking as a victim of this
American system. And I see America through the eyes of the victim. I don’t see any
American Dream; I see an American nightmare” (pp. 70-71).

It hasn’t been Congress or the President or the Supreme Court who has initiated
acts to remedy racial inequality or economic injustice, or to do something about the
government going to war. It’s always taken the actions of citizens and actions of
civil disobedience to bring these issues to national attention and finally force the
President, Congress, and the Supreme Court to begin to move” (Zinn, Macedo, 2005,
p. 132).

Educational Policy as a System of Control
Along with History and language, the standardization of curriculum and state and national
assessments across all content areas have further served to rob our students of their ability to
think critically. High stakes testing and teacher accountability have ensured that teachers will
not focus on individual student needs, rather they will focus on teaching to the test. Effectively,
No Child Left Behind has crippled teachers and reduced them to mere technicists in the
classroom. Indeed, as Paulo Freire states in the forward to Donaldo Macedo’s Literacies of
Power, “The educational pragmatism embraces a technical training without political analysis,
because such analyses upset the smoothness of educational technicism. Simply put, we are
witnessing the assertion of an educational technicism that urges us not to burden students with
political thoughts and to leave them alone so that they can best focus on their technical training”
(Macedo, 2006, p. x).

Zinn warns, however, that intellectual dissidence is not sufficient:
Well, the chief problem is that if intellectuals who do have a radical vision of this
society, and who even present that vision in the educational system in their
teaching through the books they assign or what they say in their lectures, are not at
the same time involved in the world outside, in the real social struggles that go on—
if the classroom remains a sealed, intellectual entity—then they are teaching their
students that this classroom radicalism is sufficient. They’re teaching their
students to be content with being intellectually dissident and then, maybe, to
become teachers who will perpetuate the role of the intellectual dissident but
without venturing into the world outside (2005, p.64).

Monday, March 12, 2012

My Hair!!!

For all of you who wonder, "what is auburn?" Look at my head!!!! This is auburn. Yes I am still a red head! Auburn is red hair with brown/carmel under tones. My hair is Red and yes, my hair is auburn. If you ever call me a "Ginger" I will Kill you. Have you ever seen ginger? It's a beige brown color! Not red, or auburn, or carrot, or orange! It's like a pale brown.
Let that set the record straight.
Peace.

Skate Photo Shoot! and a fun Monday Night!

I was in a depressed mood today and just hanging when Brittney texted me and asked me to go with her to visit a friend! We went to a wharehouse in Meridian and met her friend and some others at a photo shoot for Prestige and just hung until late, then back to the house for a super late girls' night!!! Now we are about to eat some yummy noodles! Guess my lame day and depressed mood are changing. Still feel out of it but so glad I have a friend to distract me and keep me positive! That and so thankful tomorrow is late start, otherwise this late night would be catching up with me, especially after last night's late night! At times like this, when you're feeling down it's great to have friends there.  :) Altogether good Monday night!!!!!!  

Time

New experiances
new people
feelings unknown
must find the cure
experiance mystery
uncover truth
I always liked suspense
now it's my time to solve
open new doors
visit new towns
spend hours at a new place
new venues abound
new shivers
new excitments
new oppurtunity awaits
I can't wait to learn and see the new sites with this new face
Taught something I have never known
Saw something that wasn't there before
Found a new story
Made a new friend
Felt something different
I hope this will never end
Moved a new direction
Started a new sensation
Brought a new trial
Bought new times
with only my time

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Boulevard Of Broken Dreams, Greenday

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

I love this song! It was basically my anthem my first year of high school.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Oblivious of Faith

once I wished upon a star
I fell asleep and dreamed of far
far away where no one knows my name
where being me is simple
not some game
I woke- I thought to a world so bright
where every thought I had was light
the sun winked down at me from above
and while I slept I found love
I didn't know what a wonderland I had found
in my head that was spinning round
all that happened finally made sense
it was perfection - to the greatest extent
I flew above the houses and trees
in my dream I could finally see
the reason for me
I was finally free
my fingers brushed along the boughs of furs and pines
through vines and mines I flew
until I had seen the whole world and knew
that what I saw wasn't true
I missed my sorrow
strange as it seems cause in my sorrow
I felt pain
and from pain you learn
and without it you can't feel the consequence of a flame
just like the burn you get from something hot--you then learn not to touch
pain gives me memory and I learn not to make
the same mistakes
that I hid from
in this dream
a dream of perfection is what I woke from and relief I felt to be back with reality
I woke up with understaning and apprreciation and now as I tell this I send you a hug because if not for you I would still be asleep
away in my dream land
oblivious of faith

-you might not understand that and don't worry I didn't at first but as I wrote it well when I finished it I realized....you can never know there is something better if you've never felt it or heard of it-

Friday, March 9, 2012

Fire and Ice, Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in Fire
some say Ice
from what I've tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire
but if I had to perish twice
I think I know enough of hate to say for destruction ice is also great
and will sufice

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Alfred Noyes (1880-1958) : The Highwayman

PART ONE

I

THE wind was a torrent of darkness among the gusty trees,
The moon was a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas,
The road was a ribbon of moonlight over the purple moor,
And the highwayman came riding—
Riding—riding—
The highwayman came riding, up to the old inn-door.

II

He'd a French cocked-hat on his forehead, a bunch of lace at his chin,
A coat of the claret velvet, and breeches of brown doe-skin;
They fitted with never a wrinkle: his boots were up to the thigh!
And he rode with a jewelled twinkle,
His pistol butts a-twinkle,
His rapier hilt a-twinkle, under the jewelled sky.

III

Over the cobbles he clattered and clashed in the dark inn-yard,
And he tapped with his whip on the shutters, but all was locked and barred;
He whistled a tune to the window, and who should be waiting there
But the landlord's black-eyed daughter,
Bess, the landlord's daughter,
Plaiting a dark red love-knot into her long black hair.

IV

And dark in the dark old inn-yard a stable-wicket creaked
Where Tim the ostler listened; his face was white and peaked;
His eyes were hollows of madness, his hair like mouldy hay,
But he loved the landlord's daughter,
The landlord's red-lipped daughter,
Dumb as a dog he listened, and he heard the robber say—

V

"One kiss, my bonny sweetheart, I'm after a prize to-night,
But I shall be back with the yellow gold before the morning light;
Yet, if they press me sharply, and harry me through the day,
Then look for me by moonlight,
Watch for me by moonlight,
I'll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way."

VI

He rose upright in the stirrups; he scarce could reach her hand,
But she loosened her hair i' the casement! His face burnt like a brand
As the black cascade of perfume came tumbling over his breast;
And he kissed its waves in the moonlight,
(Oh, sweet, black waves in the moonlight!)
Then he tugged at his rein in the moonliglt, and galloped away to the West.



PART TWO

I

He did not come in the dawning; he did not come at noon;
And out o' the tawny sunset, before the rise o' the moon,
When the road was a gypsy's ribbon, looping the purple moor,
A red-coat troop came marching—
Marching—marching—
King George's men came matching, up to the old inn-door.

II

They said no word to the landlord, they drank his ale instead,
But they gagged his daughter and bound her to the foot of her narrow bed;
Two of them knelt at her casement, with muskets at their side!
There was death at every window;
And hell at one dark window;
For Bess could see, through her casement, the road that he would ride.

III

They had tied her up to attention, with many a sniggering jest;
They had bound a musket beside her, with the barrel beneath her breast!
"Now, keep good watch!" and they kissed her.
She heard the dead man say—
Look for me by moonlight;
Watch for me by moonlight;
I'll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way!

IV

She twisted her hands behind her; but all the knots held good!
She writhed her hands till her fingers were wet with sweat or blood!
They stretched and strained in the darkness, and the hours crawled by like years,
Till, now, on the stroke of midnight,
Cold, on the stroke of midnight,
The tip of one finger touched it! The trigger at least was hers!

V

The tip of one finger touched it; she strove no more for the rest!
Up, she stood up to attention, with the barrel beneath her breast,
She would not risk their hearing; she would not strive again;
For the road lay bare in the moonlight;
Blank and bare in the moonlight;
And the blood of her veins in the moonlight throbbed to her love's refrain .

VI

Tlot-tlot; tlot-tlot! Had they heard it? The horse-hoofs ringing clear;
Tlot-tlot, tlot-tlot, in the distance? Were they deaf that they did not hear?
Down the ribbon of moonlight, over the brow of the hill,
The highwayman came riding,
Riding, riding!
The red-coats looked to their priming! She stood up, straight and still!

VII

Tlot-tlot, in the frosty silence! Tlot-tlot, in the echoing night!
Nearer he came and nearer! Her face was like a light!
Her eyes grew wide for a moment; she drew one last deep breath,
Then her finger moved in the moonlight,
Her musket shattered the moonlight,
Shattered her breast in the moonlight and warned him—with her death.

VIII

He turned; he spurred to the West; he did not know who stood
Bowed, with her head o'er the musket, drenched with her own red blood!
Not till the dawn he heard it, his face grew grey to hear
How Bess, the landlord's daughter,
The landlord's black-eyed daughter,
Had watched for her love in the moonlight, and died in the darkness there.

IX

Back, he spurred like a madman, shrieking a curse to the sky,
With the white road smoking behind him and his rapier brandished high!
Blood-red were his spurs i' the golden noon; wine-red was his velvet coat,
When they shot him down on the highway,
Down like a dog on the highway,
And he lay in his blood on the highway, with the bunch of lace at his throat.

* * * * * *

X

And still of a winter's night, they say, when the wind is in the trees,
When the moon is a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas,
When the road is a ribbon of moonlight over the purple moor,
A highwayman comes riding—
Riding—riding—
A highwayman comes riding, up to the old inn-door.

XI

Over the cobbles he clatters and clangs in the dark inn-yard;
He taps with his whip on the shutters, but all is locked and barred;
He whistles a tune to the window, and who should be waiting there
But the landlord's black-eyed daughter,
Bess, the landlord's daughter,
Plaiting a dark red love-knot into her long black hair.



Now that's love....

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Why Do I Cry?

When I cry I tend to forget
I ask myself Why?
I sit in my bed
clutching my pillow
sobbing silently
so as not to disturb
my tears, especially my fears
are not worth notice
my self my pride
does not allow another
I can at times
be selfish enough to discover
Hope
Then I remember
and I cry
I sit and wish
wanting to remember
good and happiness
never close enough to notice
I hide behind
my uncounsious wealth
my self
I deem
too little
to deserve help
Why then do I cry
what goal do I look to
am I really as weak
as I lead myself to think
I am less
all the buildup leads
to a dark abiss
of nothing
I am empty
I have surrendered
I have lost
Then I cry
crypts of dead are all I seem
to lead my mind
in circles
around a central point
I miss the meaning
it's hidden in salt
lime streaks
along my minds walls
what am I still here
do my eyes still tear
am I really as meaningless as I seem
do I still dream
or am I gone
gone to a deeper place
to dark to be found
a lightless tunnel
perpetual drops of
saltwater tears

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The Call, Regina Spektor

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

Monday, March 5, 2012

Kelsey, Metro Station

So take one word you said
You put it in your bed
You rest your tiny head on your pillow
You wonder where you're going next
You got your head pushed to my chest
and now you're hoping that someone let's you in
Well I'll sure let you in
You know ill let you in
Oh Kelsey, you.

So don't let anyone scare you
You know that I'll protect you
Always,
now through the thick and thin
Until the end
You better watch it
You know you don't cross it because
I'm always here for you
and I'll be here for you
(I know x3) I know how it feels believe me
I've been there and
(I know x3) I know what it feels like
tell me Kelsey

And I'll swim the ocean for you
the ocean for you
whoa, oh Kelsey
and I'll swim the ocean for you
the ocean for you
whoa, oh Kelsey
(i hear you darlin')

Now it's gonna get harder
and it's gonna burn brighter
and it's gonna feel tougher each and every day
so let me say, that i love you
you're all I've ever wanted
all I've ever dreamed of to come
and yes you did come
i want you so bad (so bad)
can you feel it too? (it too)
you know I'm so, I'm so in love with you
i want you, so much
i need you, so much
i need your, i need your, your touch

and I'll swim the ocean for you
the ocean for you
whoa, oh Kelsey
x4
and you never ever let me in (let me in)
x4

Saturday, March 3, 2012

About Me

My mission in life is to finish college with a masters in psychology and minor in criminology, get married to a man I'm madly in love with and have kids, within whom I will instill a deep love for Jesus Christ like the one their parents share.

If you want to get to know me the best way is to have many conversations with me over a long period of time because I'm always changing, learning, and growing. Or just watch me with children, that's when I am most like myself.

"To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others."

Me as a Boy

The Things You Remember

screaming vocies
flying cups
skin against flesh,
with a sickening crack
sobbing children
a bleeding lip
hushed arguing vocies
a door isn't that thick
a creak of a swing set
a free falling moment,
then thud on the ground
reality hits
laughter and smiles
well formed masks
hidden agendas
surrepititously stolen glances
forged passes
vials and casks
popped corks
lies told inside
family evenings,
in front of the tube
children running
a broken glass case
scars increasing
falling in love
corruption and deception
building up
confusion
stress
pain tolerence levels excede
these are the things
that i do not need
yet I am the one to which they feed
being left behind
used without knowing
left broken
on the inside
trying not to hurt others
even while i feel pain
scarrs along my wrists
is it i who did this deed
or was it a need
confusion and chaos
feeling misused
i'm as unwanted as a sack cloth
he over looks me
see me as preoccupied
my feelings are not really still that deep
but still i hear those awkward pauses
the turn of his nose
pressed against a bus back
pinned between his legs
fighting and kicking
is that his spit on my cheak
caught on camera
my shame and entanglement
the fight for my life
protection of a sister provided
me with this night
but no one steps forward
he's left to his own
scarred school days
dodging and ducking
struggleing like mad
brain contusions and swelling
am i the one who caused this
i was in on this fight
i caused this hurt
no it wasn't the first time
never again will I experiance these things
but everyday of my life I will feel them
like it's the first time
again
you better believe it
the things you remember aren't always true
but when it comes to the past
you know what you went through
you might not remember every detail
the things you remember
are the things you still feel
the things i remember
i'm still living through

KONY 2012

Invisible Children. In Africa between 30,000 and 60,000 children have been kidnapped from their homes and families and forced to be child soldiers by Joseph Kony, the world's most wanted war criminal. Many have heard of Invisible Children but most have never heard Kony's name. This year help make a difference in children's live. Give HOPE not Fear. Make Joseph Kony a household name and bring him to justice. Endorse the presence of United States military troops in Africa giving aid to this movement. Learn more about Joseph Kony, his war crimes, and how to help bring him to justice by the end of 2012 at
http://www.kony2012.com/