Broken Heart's Prayer

Lord, give me a heart
solely torn for you.

Be the surgeon of my soul
heal me Lord and make me bold,
to you only, am I sold.
Finished in this world of lies
rid of all selfish ties.

Toil align my steps and life
to always follow in the Light.

All to you my breath is owed
all for you is my love shown.

Bringing glory to your name
my triumph bring you praise, Oh Lord.

Every breath a gift, a mission
to live each moment driven
seeking to fulfill your will.
May my walk reflect your vision.

The Son chase away black night,
clarity to come (in) with the tide.

Worship may every action be,
obedience held in each word, each deed.

Striding straight, along the path
towards gates of pearl, unjust reward.

Unfailing justice befell none
saved by Grace and the Son.
Blood drawn in sin, hate
ultimate sacrifice of love, eternal life
not for a few.
Every heart broken by the Word,
handed over in love of you.

He who created land and see
knew my heart, gave all for me.
Sinner with a soul of coal
undeserving (accepted to the fold).







I am, it is, we are... a work in progress.

Patiently Biding My Time

I am so used to being content in my single-hood and trust me, these feelings have nothing to do with Valentines Day being tomorrow (I've never been a fan of the holiday, regardless of if I am taken or single). Lately however I've been finding myself contemplating the idea of starting to date again. I've been single for over a year and a half now and although there were multiple times throughout this time where I did go on "dates" I never once found anyone I could be interested in having a relationship with. Maybe part of the reason I am considering obtaining a significant other now is because I've begun to give up my long term crush on the tall dark mysterious male I've mentioned before. Maybe I should find someone closer to my age...mostly I just want to be someones first choice again. I am tired of being the attractive red head sitting next to you in class that gets asked out on a date, I don't want to be with a stranger. I am also exhausted at keeping up the charade of mothering, considerate, friend and confidante that has all the perks of a friendship but all the downfalls of hearing all about the secret crush, how "I am too young for this, that, and the other, I'm just like a younger sister, I haven't experienced life yet and couldn't possibly be ready for a real relationship". Who could possibly know what I'm ready for or what matters to me more than I do, what does age have to do with being mature enough in my relationship with God. Most  likely this is all just my way of expressing that I am not willing to sit back and let my age and other's perceptions of me keep me from doing the things I want, pursuing a genuine relationship, making life choices based on my goals and desires. I don't want the petty things to  hold me back. I am capable of more than people expect or imagine. I am not ordinary, I am and historically always have been the person to break the mold and surprise those around me. I don't think the future me is much different than the present me, I did all my changing and maturing early. Earlier than expected, probably earlier than was best but I was pushed to it, by myself and by circumstance. I am now who I will always be, the only difference...one day I will not have to be content in single-hood. I will be able to put my energy into making that one person feel appreciated, I'll share my soul and be encouraged in a way that no one else on earth could ever do, I'll be more than myself but them too and we will create together another that I will love like no one I ever have or ever will again. My discontent stems from my yearning to love like that, a love that I do not yet know and have only glimpsed. God, I know has the timing worked out and  me, being who I am, an impatient and imperfect person am anxious to begin already. If one thing does change about me, I'd like to become more content with observing love rather than feeling the need to experience it. Lord, give me the ability to patiently wait for my time and in the meantime, enjoy, revel in, and be thankful for the beauty I witness and for your love. Let my heart be guarded until you see fit to give it away.